Filmmaking for the Soul

Still from my latest purely personal project "She Walks in Beauty," which I shot with my little sister.

Art is often at the mercy of many things: subject to criticism, indebted to finances, questioned, even, in its legitimacy to even be termed "art" at all.

"Ars gratia artis," art for art's sake is a rare thing, rarer in an age of "makers" and "doers" and "influencers." Which is not necessarily all bad. It is easier than ever to publish this art we make, easier to make the things we made for ourselves accessible to all.

But the principle behind creating for the pure sake of creating, I feel, serves a very important purpose: to feed the soul.  Personal expression, even if only to express for the sake of expressing touches upon some buried element of what it means to be human. Beauty truly freed from a need to be valued by anyone else by any other standard, aside from pure existence, frees something deep within.

Poetry, in particular, seems bred from this purer motive. Born of a noble pursuit of beauty. 

And, in homage to the many poems and poets to whom I am so indebted, I have decided to try to incorporate more "ars gratia artis" into my work. Heaven forbid, I ever cease to wander humbly as a pilgrim of the beauty of this world.

PAUSE :: The necessity of quiet

““When there is silence one finds the anchor of the universe within oneself” ”

— Lao Tzu

Chai tea latte and a simple pen for a simple intent

The busier life gets, the more I have to fight for a sense of stillness. It seems ironic, to have to fight for being still, but sometimes, you have to be pretty aggressive about it.

I think, for me, true stillness means unplugging, completely. Finding silence, with no real plan. Space to breathe.  A "spacious place" within the soul.

For creatives, this is even more important, this space to let the mind wander where it will. The world is so very vast and full of such beauty and wonder; but we cheapen it, we narrow it, into something small enough to fit into a schedule. 

I like to look back at my experience of my life. Not, so much to catalog it or critique it, but to see it again, with fresh eyes. I like to look back, again, with no plan, no pretense, no bias. I find freedom in these moments.

It's often the little recharge I need to find a new way to approach something, so that when I run back into the chaos of daily living, I'm a little bit younger and wiser.

PRO BONO WORK :: Make generosity a habit

““We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ”

— Winston Churchill

The joy of young students: a constant source of inspiration to me.

I have always tried to make generosity a habit. There is something so joyful about giving something away. About taking something ordinary and turning it into a celebration.

Every other year, I make a gala video, for free, for my childhood school, a tiny, private establishment which raises money every year to provide scholarships for children in need. Nearly 1/4 of its students receive full scholarships to attend. The incredible generosity and kindness of the teachers, parents, and patrons inspires me every time I visit.

I owe so very much to this school. For teaching me to read, to write, to think critically and believe in myself. And also this: to find joy in the giving and sharing of one's time and talent.

To the many who have helped to foster a sense of giving in me: thank you.

WHAT I'M LEARNING ON MY FIRST FESTIVAL RUN

Proud to have written and directed this piece and to have worked with such talented peers! "Little Disappointment" will be screened at the Yonkers Film Fest in early November.

First of all, entering festivals is so much more paperwork than I ever expected.

Second, getting in has made made me feel like a tortoise. 

Let me explain...

A wise friend of mine once compared me to a tortoise. Like so:

"They grow, you know," she said.

"Doesn't everything?"

"No, I mean, they grow to FIT their environment. If you leave a tortoise in a little tank, it will stay little forever. But if you give it a large room to live in..."

You get the point.

We grow to fit the opportunities open to us. Or, at least, we can.

I am pleased to announce that a short film I created with a few good friends in practically my back yard "for practice" has been picked up by the YoFi Festival in Yonkers. I am pleased that it has added a certain amount of "legitimacy" to all of my work. I am thrilled that this means I get to keep creating things I love. But it also has forced me to face a realization: I am now a very, very tiny fish in a very, very big pond. I am quite akin to a domesticated goldfish suddenly dunked into the ocean.

So this whole, very modest, entry into the world of festivals has been very humbling, to say the least. It'd be easy to say: "oh, but I'll never sell it, oh, but it's not Sundance, oh, but you only entered one..."

But there's nothing wrong with realizing how small you are, I suppose, if it just makes you that much more determined TO GROW.

THE POWER OF LOW STAKES

3rd "low stakes" video I've shot entirely on my phone

The mere idea of making something "important" can be terrifying. I am prone to perfectionism, so the more I care about something, the more I also obsess over it. This can be both positive and negative, as it spurs me on to create better work.

But it's also important to make just for making, and to have fun in the process. 

This past summer I went on a big trip overseas to visit friends in the Middle East. I wanted to commemorate the trip, but didn't want to take myself out of the moment or to become too caught up in "making a perfect travel video." So I gave myself a whole bunch of rules:

1) Only use my phone. (A tiny, 3 year old Moto X with only 8GB of storage)

2) Shoot 15 minutes TOTAL of footage

3) No clip should be longer than 15 seconds. 

4) Only one take of each shot

5) Edit must take less than 5 hours to complete and CANNOT include color correction/grading

6) It will be published on my personal (not professional) Youtube, regardless

I shot the thing, and didn't worry much, because out of a 3 week journey, I had only spent about 20 minutes creating shots. And it was very freeing to limit the edit time, not worry about who was going to see it, etc.

And that's when I realized that "low stakes" art can be wonderfully empowering. I had created something I'd cherish for years without having to put my life on hold.  Which was an odd paradox, because it was precisely the thought that "this doesn't matter," that let me enjoy the creation so much.

I've resolved to make sure to make time for "low stakes" work in my routines, to make sure that I stay loose and stay creative, and remember that the act of creation is meant to be a source of joy.

Light the Way

Me, on our concept shoot last night

I am by no means a DP.  But I'm glad for the many opportunities I've had to get my hands on a camera: I always walk away with so much more respect for the people who have put so much time and effort into learning how to craft light.

Natural light has always intrigued me. There's something captivating about the interplay between light and shadow. "Natural" artificial lighting (the uncontrolled light of an environment) can also be beautiful, the same interplay is there as well, after all.

New Blog!

Filming "Bean"

Warming up to the idea that sharing your process in public is an act of humility, not a form of bragging. Certainly keeps me grounded to show how much I still have to learn. Love the idea of keeping track of my own growth, hence: a blog!

Currently working to increase the representation of blue-collar women in film with my latest project "Bean," starring Emma, a real life electrician with a penchant for nerdy jokes.

Always interesting working with non-actors and getting them comfortable in front of the camera.